


To the Ends of the World and Back

by Rose_SK



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Endverse Castiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 01:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15523065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_SK/pseuds/Rose_SK
Summary: “Look, Cas” Dean stood up, interrupting his lover in the process, “we all know that the end is approaching. You know it, I know it, and there’s no point kidding each other. Very soon, we will both be dead”





	To the Ends of the World and Back

There were not many days where Castiel was not high. Being awake, being aware… it had become far too painful for him. Without the drugs, Cas had more time to think about things that were and things that would never come back. And God knew he definitely did not want to think about the past. It was a waste of time, anyway. Nothing he said, or did for the matter, would bring back the Dean he had fallen in love with. So, to forget this tragic and depressing realisation, Cas used drugs. They provided a refuge from the Croatoan-infested world he lived in. They allowed him to escape the bitter reality he faced daily when Dean came back from a mission. Because it was easier to endure Dean fucking him rather than make love to him when he was high. It made it easier to ignore the fact that Dean never returned his ‘I love you’ anymore. It became easier to blame his tears on his comedown from the substance than to admit that, actually, Castiel was mourning past Dean. Nobody really understood. 

This evening was different, though. This evening was the anniversary of the day Castiel had pulled Dean out of Hell and reconstructed him piece by piece. This evening was a special evening, and Cas wanted to remember the event. It was the one thing he did not want to forget. He did not want to forget how bright Dean’s soul shined even after the angels managed to pull him out of the underworld. That was all but distant memory now, of course. Dean’s soul had changed with the years, it had become less and less bright. Effectively, Dean’s spirit had gone extinct in the most literal sense of the word. Dean Winchester’s soul had died, and Castiel felt the effect of that occurrence on a daily basis. 

The fallen angel heard the wood creak softly under his lover’s weight as Dean entered their shed. Castiel had tried to keep the place as homely as he could with the torn carpet he had nicked out of an abandoned shop, as well as the oil lamps found in an empty house. That was the only luxury they possessed, and frankly it was more than enough. Nothing could really make Castiel feel at home in this world. He, who had known the glory of his father’s creation; he, who had seen the beauties of the Earth manifested in trillions of different ways… seeing this world destroyed was slowly killing Castiel from the inside. However, he knew he had to stay strong; for Dean, for everybody still alive and fighting, although it was getting harder with each and every day. 

“How did the mission go?” Castiel asked solemnly, watching Dean intently as his lover took off his boots and went to absent-mindedly place a kiss on Cas’ hair. It seemed like a loving gesture, but really it had become more of a mechanical reflex on Dean’s behalf. 

“Just the usual. We saw a bunch of Croats, we shot them. Nothing terribly exciting”

“I see…” 

Dean poured himself a glass of whiskey as he stripped down to his trousers. Castiel could not help but let his eyes wander over his lover’s well-chiseled chest. Dean Winchester was good-looking, there was no denying that. The things this man made Castiel feel… even after all these years, even after all the carnage, Dean managed to make the angel squirm with lust. 

“You seem surprisingly clean tonight…” Dean commented, and Castiel would be lying if he said that his tone did not pinch a little. 

“Yeah… it’s just one of those nights again…” Castiel explained, remaining vague. 

“You mean it’s the night…” 

The words surprised the angel more than he cared to show. He had not expected Dean to remember, or to acknowledge it if he did. Dean had never made an effort to recall this night in the past, why would today be any different? 

“I…”

“Look, Cas” Dean stood up, interrupting his lover in the process, “we all know that the end is approaching. You know it, I know it, and there’s no point in kidding each other. Very soon, we will both be dead” 

“What does that have to do with this conversation?” Cas enquired, genuinely confused and mostly saddened. Dean sighed as he rubbed his face with the palm of his hand, undoubtedly in frustration. 

“Is it not obvious, Cas? Tonight could be our last night together. We are this close to finding Lucifer and killing the son of a bitch. Every night could be our last night. And I guess I just…” 

Dean was getting gradually more and more agitated, and Castiel recognised this pattern of behaviour. It was the way his lover acted before sharing his feelings for Cas. The angel’s heart skipped a beat at the thought. 

“Dean, what is it? You can talk to me… I’m clean, like you said”

“Yeah, I know, just… give me two seconds” Dean downed his drink before carrying on, “all I’m trying to say is that… I love you, angel. I really do, and… well, now that the end is near I guess I’m starting to realise that I’ve been a douchebag to you, and… that I might be the reason why you are so messed up now. And I’m sorry, man. I really am… I know it’s too late for an apology now, but… I can’t live with myself knowing that I did this to you” 

Dean’s words were followed by a long silence, broken only by the pouring of whiskey into Dean’s empty glass. Castiel did not know how to react, or what to say. He felt like crying, laughing and screaming at the same time. One thing the fallen angel had not managed to cope with very well were the cacophony of human emotions, and when all of them manifested together… hell, it was not easy to handle. And the nickname Dean used… the man had not used this nickname in years, and it made Castiel feel warm and giddy inside. 

“You do know that I followed you of my own free will, right? You never made me…” 

“Cas, stop, if it weren’t for me you would not be in this crap hole right now…” Dean barked, but Cas would have none of it. 

“If I had to do this all over again I would, Dean. For you, I would go to the ends of the world and back if it meant that you would get to live. There is nothing in this world I would not do to keep you safe… and if tonight is our last night on Earth, then I vow to look for you every single day I spend in Heaven until I find you and we’re reunited. I will never stop looking for you, because a Heaven without you is my definition of Hell…”

Tears were welling up in Cas’ eyes as he spoke from the bottom of his heart, and he could see that his monologue was also starting to get to Dean. The hunter turned his face so Castiel could not see the tears forming and running down his cheeks, but the angel was not one to be fooled. It was in that instant that Castiel went to embrace Dean tightly, burying his face in the crook of the hunter’s neck and inhaling his scent maybe for the last time. 

“I love you too, Dean. I’ve always loved you and I always will”

“Always is a long time, you know” Dean said with a small smile, wrapping his arms around his angels and burying his nose in the dark locks. Nothing else mattered in this moment. It was just him and Cas, enjoying each other’s presence and maybe also the last hours they would spend together alive. 

“I know” Cas replied, kissing his lover’s neck tenderly, “and I’m ready to face all eternity by your side”.


End file.
